If Elvis were alive today, would he abandon his blue suede shoes for orthopedic slip-ons?

I’ve been thinking about this since reading a New York Times article about the enduring power of Jackson Browne’s These Days. I’ve loved that song ever since I heard it on Jackson’s 1973 album “For Everyman,” but now I’m wondering whether the lyrics need an update, such as:

These days I sit on rocking chairs and count the ads for Medicare ‘til 10, my friend. Don’t confront me with my car keys; I had not forgotten them.

Likewise for this Joni Mitchell song:

Help me, I think I’m falling on the floor again. When I get that crazy feeling, I know I’m in trouble again. I’m in trouble ’cause I’m fragile, not so agile and unsteady on my feet. And you love your new cane. But not like I love my walker.

Let me suggest several other updates for songs from our youth:

Blondie:

Grandpa and I are waiting, kids, would it kill you just to call? We know you’d prefer to text but that don’t work for us at all. Call me, call me on our line. Call me, call me anytime. Call me, call me on my cell. Just tell us that you’re doing well.

The Beatles:

I read the news today, oh boy. About an old guy with a MAGA hat. And though the news was rather sad, well, I just had to laugh. I saw the photograph. He screamed at Haitians from his car. He didn’t notice that the times have changed.

Tony Orlando and Dawn:

Oh, my darling, knock three times on the ceiling if you need me. My hearing aids suck and the battery’s low.

Steely Dan:

Rikki, don’t lose that number. You keep writing it with a pen. Save it permanently in the cloud. Rikki, don’t lose that number. Just add the contact to your phone. And learn GPS so you can finally find your way back home

Bob Marley:

No statins, no cry. No statins, no cry. I remember when we used to eat anything we craved. Burgers, cake, six-packs of beer, donuts stuffed or glazed. Memories keep us young as now we all get old. They make our hearts rise every day with our cholesterol. Everything’s gonna be all right (repeat).

The Impressions:

People get ready, assisted living’s coming. It’s there in your future with full room and board.

Starland Vocal Band:

Thinkin’ of you’s workin’ up my appetite, looking forward to a little afternoon delight. The early bird dinner starts at 4 p.m. My AARP card has a discount then. Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight.

The Righteous Brothers:

We had a love, a love, a love you don’t find every day. So don’t, don’t, don’t put your Viagra away. You’ve lost that lovin’ feelin.’ Now it’s gone, gone, gone, whoa-oh-oh.

I listen to a much wider — and far more current— mix of artists these days but will never forget these rock classics. I’ll close with this update for the Eagles:

Last thing I remember, I was running for the door, escaping the cubicle where I’d worked for many years before. “Relax,” said my best friend, “You’re retired, now believe. You can check out any time you like. Really, you can leave.”

Rock on, Elders.

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